Look, sure, yeah, of course, of course, we should be able to fucking ignore Sarah Palin and her molesting P.E. teacher-looking husband (“I’m puttin’ my hand on the floor under your chest to make sure you do your push-ups right, Cindy”) and her Hills-Have-Eyes-esque brood of mutant children. But she ain’t a Jurassic Park T-Rex. If you stand still, she ain’t going away. And if she’s gonna hate fuck the “lamestream” media constantly, we may as well get off on it, too.
We all know what’s gonna happen: she’s gonna believe the Wal-Mart shoppers and shut-ins and horny rednecks who tell her at her book signings to run for President. And she’ll run and be an idiot on the issues and a cunt to everyone around her, and then she’ll blame everyone else for ruining her chances when, in reality, in a rare moment of clarity, Republicans will vote for the another bugfuck insane candidate, the one who didn’t say on her own reality show that she got millions of dollars to do that she thinks it sucks that people invade her privacy and that she’s just regular people, like you and you over there, who must have a TV studio in your home so you can tell Sean Hannity what regular people think.
There’s something almost laughably darling about Sarah Palin, Class Warrior. When Barbara Bush, the O.G. of political women bitch slappers, said of Palin, “I hope she’ll stay” in Alaska, well, that dream’s long gone, and, of course, Palin wasn’t gonna take it. Like someone telling the head cheerleader that she might not be prom queen, Palin smacked back, “I don’t think the majority of Americans want to put up with the blue-bloods.”
Think about that for just a second. Ask yourself what happens when any Democrat you can think of says something like it, about how the nation is most Americans versus old money. Oh, how the right wing media would explode with accusations of class war and socialism and MarxAlinskyAyers and other people with scary-sounding names that virtually no one who mentions them knows a goddamn thing about. But Palin? When she says it, it’s just Sarah bein’ Sarah, God love her First Dude-fellating mouth.
Nope, Palin ain’t going away. We’re stuck with her until 2012, at least. So let’s just revel in her thin-skinned rapid response to any slight, insult, or sarcasm. Let’s enjoy the notion of Karl Rove getting the chance to take her apart in the primaries like a cruel child with a bunch of flies whose wings need ripping. And let’s all gather ’round the Facebook like in holidays of old and share in the undiminished stench of her fucktardery that she masks in a cheap perfume of Everychick wisdom.
Here she is answering critics who tittered when she mistakenly said, “North Korea” instead of “South Korea” on Glenn Beck’s Radio Masturbatorium of Mystery and Imagination: “Unfortunately, it seems they couldn’t resist the temptation to turn a simple one word slip-of-the-tongue of mine into a major political headline.” Sure, you could say, “She’s right that it’s a stupid story to jump on.” Or you could say, “A short story on Huffington Post does not a ‘major headline’ make.” Or you could just sit back and say, “Yeah, one more nudge and this crazy bitch is gonna go Norma Desmond on us.”
By the way, in case you need a magical Black Friday laugh, the Taiwanese take on the Palins is like a hit of pure heroin. At about 1:16, you can learn how she wrote her latest “book,” and it’s as good an explanation as any.
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