Reporters’ hair irks The Boehner

The Boner

The Boner

The Political Carnival
April 2, 2009

That Boner, he’s a regular laugh riot:

As he launched into his regular refrain about the Democrats’ budget, saying it “spends too much, it taxes too much, and it borrows too much”, he stopped himself — trying to hold back laughter during his own opening comments.

He quickly singled out a young print reporter, telling him, “You really do need to do something with that hair of yours.” As reporters laughed, he joked, “I couldn’t wait any longer.”

He went on to finish his opening comments, but before calling on the same reporter, he teased, “Get a brush, would ya?”

The reporter had good sense of humor about the crack from Boehner, and shot back, “I’ll get a haircut if you pay for it.”

Tell you what: I’ll get a haircut if you let your faux-tanned skin go au naturel.

When Boehner called on the next reporter, he referred to him as “the bald guy.”

Ogodheissodamnfunny. Get this guy on Letterman. Nobody can beat that sense of humor, nobody! Not even a real comedy pro like Pauly Shore.

But Boehner didn’t confine his critique to male members of the Capitol press corps. When a female reporter, wearing her long hair pulled back, prefaced her question by joking that she hoped her hair was ok, Boehner couldn’t resist: “You mean what’s wadded up in the back of your head?”

Ohstopplease! Omystomach! I’m in pain from all that guffawing! SNL, why haven’t you booked The Boner?! He’s the next Carrot Top! The Daily Show shouldn’t hesitate to scoop him right up, before someone else grabs him!

Some reporters chuckled, but others thought the GOP leader was being a little harsh.

Boehner continued his hair assessment, saying, “It looks so nice hanging down. It looks like you got up a little late and decided that, you know, I just wadded up the back. For those of you that don’t know about me and ponytails, males get it — males get it just as bad as females.”

Ogeez! No seriously! What a card! I’m barely able to contain myself! The hilarity! Wow! He’s the best ever! A gen-u-ine equal opportunity buffoon! Didja see that? See how he did that?

He then apologized to the reporter, joking “you started it,” and let her ask her question on the budget.

Ohahaaaahahawhawhawhahaha::deeeep breath::HAHAHAAA! ::pant, pant!:: Whew! Whoa. Where’d he find lines like that?

With Congress about to start a two week recess, Boehner blamed the long stretch of six straight weeks in Washington for his punchy mood and attempt to have some fun with reporters. “That’s why I’m trying to be humorous today to my friend who needs a brush and a friend who needs some hair,” Boehner said.

Nonono, please stop! Stop, I tell you, stop! I can’t take much more!

As reporters walked out of the press conference, one asked Boehner’s press secretary what she put in the Republican leader’s coffee this morning.

Then one of them asked if it would be okay to put one just more thing to his coffee. The press secretary scowled, reminding the reporter that that would probably be a felony.

Copyright 2009 The Political Carnival

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